Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Shoot me

"Diet" is a four-letter word, but it has been a way of life for me since I was ten years old (it is not the only four-letter word I have problems with). When I was ten, I remember standing at the Dairy Bar in Red River one summer with my friend Bege. Bege was three years older than I was and very beautiful - I idolized her. I was wearing a dress because I was headed to the Community House for some square dancing. Bege looked at me and said that I had nice legs, but that I was putting on a little weight, and then she said that I should watch my weight. She said all of this with love and caring – not malice. She seemed to want to give me good advice. I didn’t have a clue what to do. Watching my weight was a totally alien concept. At ten years old, my eating habits had not changed, but my body was doing some changing on its own. It is kind of ironic that years later after I had had Bo, it would be Bege’s mom who would give me more good advice. She told me the best way to get your stomach muscles back in shape was to be aware and constantly hold them in – the muscles would strengthen as you squeezed them in. I have never forgotten either well-meaning conversation. And diet conversation can be a bit touchy. A friend of mine once said, "I’m at my fighting weight. Say anything about my weight, and we will fight." How very true!

To look at me you would not think that I know much about dieting, but the truth is that I know lots. I have been on more diets than you can shake a stick at and I still have more chins than a Chinese phone book. Doing a diet is another thing all together. That is the big issue – "want to." You got to want to change. Am I willing to put out the effort? And it is an effort to eat less and eat different and exercise more. If I went back and tallied up all of the weight I have lost over the years, I probably have lost myself several times. Unfortunately, when I find myself I do it in a big way. It seems that "change of lifestyle" is the real culprit here along with body type and metabolism. The simplest change of lifestyle can make major changes in my weight. I have done some thinking on all my "gains" over the years, and I can see how and why I gained. I won’t bore you with the details, but I want to point out that most people don’t realize how much weight they have gained until they have gone overboard. That may be difficult to explain to someone who is thin, but it is a perception problem. One day you are doing fine and the next day, someone says, "Why did you let yourself go?" And you run to the mirror or the scales and you think, "My god! When did that happen?" It is depressing, which does not help. When you are depressed, it is difficult to find the umph to change your lifestyle.

Although I have not found the "umph," I have been walking (about two miles). But because of my leg cramps, I cannot speed up like I want. Since Toby bought himself a bike last fall, he has wanted me to ride with him. The thought of perching my large bottom on a narrow little bike seat has not been a pleasant thought. He found a wider seat on an old bike and replaced the seat on my bike (I bought myself an expensive mountain bike 20 years ago, which I used to ride quite often when we lived in the mountains- another change of lifestyle). I’m thinking that maybe he should get a tractor seat for me, but since he did get a new seat, I don’t have an excuse. Anyway, last weekend I rode with him – about six miles. The good news is that I did not get leg cramps and the seat was much better than my old one. The bad news is that I am not fond of this sort of exercise. I would rather play volleyball, softball, or tennis all day long than 30 minutes of bike riding. Maybe it will get better – ya think? As I rode home from my four mile trek toward our house today, all three horses stood at the fence and watched me struggle up the hill. Then I hit the rock driveway, which rattles my eyeballs. I’m sure the horses thought I was pretty silly – why would I put out so much effort on that "skinny horse" when I could be riding one of them. Maybe someone should just shoot me.


Jenn said...

I'm feeling the same way! I like biking but not here ,it sucks,there is nowhere I can do it without traffic! I love to bike on old dirt roads with no traffic to run over me or to stare at my big ass up ther on the seat! Walking would be ok but it's better with someone since I tend to walk farther if I'm not alone and here there are no sidwalks so once again,I'd rather not get hit by one of the young morons that drive around here. So you are not alone in how you feel! I hope you have a good day!

Jenny said...

You're right. Weight is something you don't notice on yourself until its bad. My husband joined Weight Watchers last night, and now is the hard part: figuring out how to incorperate a new eating lifestyle. It won't do me any harm either, but I rather enjoy good food smothered in gravy and fried and full of fat and calories.

Diet is an EVIL 4-letter word (along with dust, wash, and a few others).

But good luck to you! Maybe the pounds you and my husband shed could be sent over to Buck's way! LOL!

Nancigail said...

Lou, you make me smile! Ever since I've known you, you have the wit to make one's day bright when it's full of gloom! My mom sent me the link to your blog about a year ago, and I can't let many days pass without a bit of your wit...I so enjoy the RR stories, but even the daily viewpoints you have make me smile -and- many times cry. Keep up the great blog....I'll be checking in from time to time! Blessings to you and your whole family!

PS: You have the most beautiful GBs! I have 1 GB boy...he's 15 mo. old and I adore his every little move & sound!
Love to you & yours!

Bag Blog said...

Wow, it is great to hear from you. Thanks for reading my blog. When I tell a RR story, it is amazing how your family is always a part of it some way or another.

Craig sent me a picture of your grandson when he was visiting Catherine's family last year. Once again our families cross paths. Maybe we will all get together one of these days.

Buck said...

Ah, I just don't know what to say in this space, given I have quite the opposite issue. But most of what I know about body types seem to center more on genetics than lifestyle, although lifestyle certainly IS a big, big factor (and NO pun intended). I've known literally hundreds of folks in my life who eat "right" and have an exercise regimen that would put decathlon athletes to shame yet still can't seem to achieve their "optimum" weight, whatever that might be.

I've pretty much given up and have decided to just accept things as they are: I'm skinny, I've always BEEN skinny, and there's not much I can do about it. But, yeah, if you (and Jenny. And Jeff.) figure out how to send some of your unwanted pounds my way... feel FREE!

Final word: I think you look GOOD, Lou. I'm not blowing smoke, either, in that I've made it pretty plain over the past two and a half years (on EIP) that I prefer women with real curves. And lots of 'em. That said, I realize MY opinion and YOUR opinion will differ, and radically so, in some cases. This might well be one such case.

Inquiries said...

Weight has always been an issue in my family too. My dads side. It has always been a issue in my life too. You are right it is a life style change not just a diet.

Bag Blog said...

Buck, Thanks, you always make me feel good about myself. Still I need to lose weight for lots of reasons - health is a factor too. I could lose some pounds and still have plenty of curves:) My mother and brother are more like you - they just don't gain weight easily - genetics are a strange thing.

Jenn, I hear you on the biking where people can see my large bottom, but then, they can see it most anytime. Where I walk and bike, big tanker trucks blow by me - that is when I am thankful for the weight that keeps me anchored.

Jenny, I have done WW a couple of times. It is a good diet. Men lose weight much faster and easier than women - your hubby will do great. Of course, it would be much easier if we could just suck the fat out of our bodies and send it to Buck to be transplanted.

Dawn said...

I've heard this story before! Oh wait, that would be my own story :) diet, diet, diet,
yeah, yeah, yeah, it should be die-to-it and that's the hard part!
I suppose it's like anything else in life whatever our lot, never,never never stop choosing to get better.
Cause one day we'll look back and be pleasantly surprised
I admire the fact your on that bike! I'm to chicken, it hurts!!!

Knit and fall back in it said...

The part that sucks about lifestyle changes is the word life. Unfortunately, we have to find something that we can live with for the rest of our life. In order to make mine less painful, I've decided to be happy somewhere halfway between way too curvy and perfectly fit.

Thank goodness for mediocrity. :)

Becky said...

Weight was never a problem with me until I met my ex. He wanted me fat. He wanted me so fat that no other man would be attracted to me, therefore I couldn't have an affair and leave him. He didn't allow me to dress nicely, fix my hair, wear make up, or wear my contacts for the same reason. Ever since then, weight has been a struggle with me. My doctor says I'm at a healthy weight, but it's still more than I want to weigh.

I think my biggest problem is that I hate to exercise, in any way, shape, form, or fashion. I hate it.

Bag Blog said...

Becky, I've seen your picture - you are a great size. Karate is probably a good form of exercise without thinking of it as exercise.

GUYK said...

When I was 11 years old I was 6'2" and weighed 211 pounds..and I continued to grow but not taller..and I have darn sure lost 'me' in blubber over the years. At one time I was over 300 pounds of expensive fat..took about as much money to lose it as it did put it on..produce and good meat costs more than the beer..

Now I am back around the 240 mark and trying to get back to the 215..but it is a slow and hard process.

But in any event the best exercise is working out those table muscles..thats the ones I use to push myself away from the table..

Laurie said...

Right now I am at a good weight for me. However, I am not happy with my tone. Still have rolls and jiggly places that I would prefer weren't there. But I'm in the "I hate exercise" camp as well. So, it is what it is.

Bag Blog said...

Guyk, My dad called them "push aways" and he practiced them well. There comes a time in a woman's life when push aways are not enough - I'm there.

Laurie, I could live with a little jiggle; it is the rolls that bother me. You sound like Buck when you say "it is what it is" - made me laugh.

The Friendly Neighborhood Piper said...

i don't know...maybe its just me...but...i think grandma's should be slightly overweight, not obese, but...pleasantly plump i suppose. i, for one, like your roundy self just the way you are, but i certainly understand your desire to tone up...standing beside all those young bucks at the AFA yesterday made me take a long hard look at myself and the realization was very clear. I told The Queen just the other day that i would probably be able to get to more hits on the volleyball court if i deflated the tire about twenty pounds.

Bag Blog said...

Thanks, Jay. I like rounded grandmas too, but not quite so rounded would be better.