Friday, July 09, 2010

The Rub

For Mother’s Day, Jesse gave me a gift certificate for a one-hour full body massage, because I had never had one. Yesterday I cashed in on my certificate and got my massage. It was nice, but a little disappointing. I’m not sure I can explain why it was disappointing, but maybe my expectations were just too high or the massage was just mediocre.

From the time I was a little kid, I was a sucker for a back rub. My uncle, Danny, who is just ten years older than I, taught my brother and me to rub his back when we were just youngsters. Danny was a teen-ager when Craig and I were elementary age. He made rubbing his back a game – teaching us to do "chop-chops, grab’ums, twisties, etc." Yes, he did sucker us into rubbing his back, but the important thing here was that we learned to give a mean back rub. Through the years, Craig and I would set a timer (so as not to get cheated) and give each other back rubs. I don’t know about Craig’s wife, but Toby has become pretty darn good at massaging the kinks out of my neck, rubbing a headache away, and making me into a pool of melted butter. Years ago while I was working the Enchanted Forest Bike Race – standing all day at a booth in the sun, serving bicyclists, Steve Behrens (a good friend) came up and started rubbing my shoulders. When I said, "Wow, Steve, you are making my knees go weak," he looked around and said, "Where’s your car?" I burst out laughing at his intentional misunderstanding of my words and his teasing me. You would have to know Steve to really appreciate the humor in that story, but I am a sucker for a back rub.

Yesterday’s massage was good, and it was very relaxing. The lady massage therapist was very nice. I loved the oil stuff she used, because it was smooth and silky without being too oily. When I asked her about it, she said it was her own mix. She did not burn candles or use any strong scents, which I appreciated, since I cannot stomach too many odors. I did think her décor was a bit cheesy. I have never been into the Oriental décor, and her’s was mixed with a bit of Okie, as if that were very relaxing. Dark rooms bother me. She made pleasant conversation, but several times she mentioned that she helped women lose weight with her massages. "Toxins are stored in fat cells" – Really? "As I massage you, the toxins will be released making you feel better and lose weight" – ya think? "Cell phones and other electronic devices such as security systems in large stores will cause you problems. You should not spend much time in Wal-Mart or Home Depot." Okay, stop it. Now you are freakin’ me out. "You should come in on a regular basis, and I can help you…" I guess I look needy or just fat.

Maybe I will do another massage. Maybe I will try a different massage therapist just to see the differences. I did enjoy the massage, but then how bad could it be when someone is rubbing your back, legs, arms, head?


Christina LMT said...

Wow. She claimed that by massaging you, she'd help you lose weight? Talk about total bullshit! I'm sorry the massage didn't live up to your expectations. :( Also, Oklahoma has NO state-wide licensing laws/rules, so anyone can set up as a massage therapist. Ask your next therapist if he/she's nationally certified, it might help!
And remember, if you're ever in my neck of the woods, give me a call! I'll give you a massage on the house. :)

Mrs. Bear said... of the only stores here in Levelland is that is why I have gained weight...please!!!

Bag Blog said...

Thanks Christina. I may take you up on that some day.

Anny, those WalMart toxins are really bad.

Buck said...

Maybe I will try a different massage therapist just to see the differences.

I sure would. That BS about cell phones and security systems is enough for me to say "never again" with that particular therapist. So... Wally-World is about the only shopping game in P-Ville; howcum I ain't fat?

My FIRST thought was "I wonder what Christina will say bout this?" I'm wonderin' no more!

wv: skerbomm. I think that's Norwegian for BS.

Bag Blog said...

Buck, "skerbom" is when someone tries to scare you away from WalMart.

Jo Castillo said...

Now I know why I'm fat! Not a big Wal-Mart shopper, but we use them for pit stops on the road. Ha. I don't like anyone touching me, don't ever come up behind me and go to tickle or hug. You will get belted .. so massage is not my thing. Ask Gene, heh, heh.