So many times I've wanted to post my thoughts and happenings, but things have still been busy. The day after we buried Mom, Toby's mom had to be put in the hospital. It was a simple UTI, but with older people that can become complicated. Infection, dehydration, meds, all effect the body as well as the brain. Things go downhill fast. A person can seem okay, until they see a coyote hiding in the corner behind the ornamental plant. Then maybe they think that someone is trying to poison them, so they quit drinking water or eating. Anyway, to make a long story short. We put Toby's mom in a nursing home a week ago. We cleaned out and moved everything from her little apartment. She is doing well in the nursing home so far. They are doing lots of therapy with her. But she is still a very frail 87 year old.
I've been dealing with insurances and lawyers. I tell ya, it's enough to make a preacher cuss! Not really, but close. I'm really doing fine with it, but it is not my thing. Today I spoke with my great-uncle-by-marriage. He sold my parents life insurance policies back in the 80's. For some reason Mom quit paying on hers several years ago. I had called Uncle Joe to find out what he knew. He told me that he had gone to Mom's house and talked to her about the policy. He had been trying to help, but she had been ugly (for lack of better words) telling him that she didn't need his help. So, he left, and the policy was dropped. I explained to Uncle Joe that it was the dementia that caused Mom to be ugly, that she was combative with me and anyone whom she thought was telling her what to do. He said that she seemed "okay" to him. Of course, Uncle Joe has always been the out-law in-law, so maybe he thought Mom's being rude was normal. But there it is. After years of being friends with Joe, she was ugly. And that is dementia. It is not just someone doing goofy things or saying odd things, it is someone's personality changing. Consider that when dealing with people.
Emotionally, I'm doing okay, too. Maybe not as good as I did after Dad died, but okay. After Dad died, I felt an immediate relief. I was very close to my dad and I still miss him terribly, but with Mom, I'm feeling very lost now and then. Taking care of Dad and his cancer for the last four years of his life was so very easy. It hurt to watch Dad go downhill, but there was not the constant worry. Dealing with Mom has been emotionally difficult for a so long. I would have thought I would feel the same relief that I felt with Dad, but I have not. Maybe it's because I am still dealing with her estate and dealing with Toby's mom, etc. Or maybe it is that both parents are gone now. Maybe I am grieving for both of them together. Maybe it is hormones.
I have had great comfort in friends and family. All will be well. I'm going to start my little girls art class soon. Hopefully things will get back to normal. Each day gEachets better.
7 comments:
Dear friend, I feel for you. My parents died in 1980 and 83, so long ago. I still see a sunset and want to tell mom or a baseball game result. My dad was more for rodeo or drinking news, ha. Hope your life gets back to normal soon. We are headed home Sunday and hoping for normal, too. Hugs to all of you.
My mom gave my brother the house before she died. It made it simple. Since the mortgage was paid, all they had to do was a closing. I don't remember if any money changed hands.
But that solved the estate part. She didn't own anything else. We all pitched-in to pay the $20k back taxes and spent $20k fixing the place up. We were going to sell it, but my brother said he wanted to live there, so we decided to split up the proceeds when/if he sold the place.
Which might be soon, as his next door neighbor sold their place for $300k. It was on the market for $275, and zoom, the highest bidder won. These homes cost $15k new back in 1957!
Hopefully the nursing home will de-stress your family each day, as she gets good meals and medications.
My dad finally got a new tombstone at the national cemetery. The original one wasn't even readable anymore (only 35 years). We complained to the VA, and after a year they finally fixed it. I was going to go steal it and throw it in the river, but figured I'd just wait, instead of get caught.
The one thing I didn't like about my moms headstone, was the French have a neat system of putting your birth name on it. Then below that they add your last name from marriage (veuve xxx).
I wanted to do it that way, but my brothers out voted me. I was the only one interested in ancestry, so I thought it would make it easy for future research. As it is now, after we go, no one will know her real birth name. C'est la vie...
Lou, a couple of years back Susie lost her Mom first and then unexpectably her Dad only 3 months later. She was prepared for her Mom but her Dad was a surprise. Anyway, the reason I mentioned this is a statement Susie made to me after we buried her Dad. She said for the first time she felt like an "orphan". I didn't exactly understand why she chose that word until I spoke with friends who had similar circumstances as Susie. Susie said it was just a "feeling" of being "alone" for the first time in her life without her parents. Don't know if this is what you're feeling, but your thoughts kinda reminded me of what Susie went through.
John, I think you and Susie are right about that alone feeling. Hugs, to Susie, too.
Jo, You are such a special person to me. Thanks for your thoughts to me and to John.
Etienne, Things are never simple, except in my mind. But I will sort through it all eventually, or not.
John, I think Susie is right about being an orphan and being alone. It is also like the glue that held the family together is gone, too. Now we are individual families with kids and grandkids of our own.
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