I come from a family of smart-alecks, and then I married one. Our children are double-bred smart alecks. At family gatherings smart remarks fly usually directed at my baby sister since she is an easy target setting herself up for our weird wit and sense of humor. Although through the years I have mellowed and learned to hold my tongue, sometimes the oppurtunity to be smart is just too much for me. While eating at a local hangout, a young man from our fellowship came in. I had seen his mother earlier in the day, and she had shown me his senior pictures. When he stopped at our table to say hi, I said, "Hey Luke, I saw a picture of you today." Of course, he asked where. Then the smarty in me said, "On the wall at the post office." I thought my joke was pretty funny, but Luke just looked at me with such a puzzled expression. So I added, "You know, wanted posters." I got more of the puzzled look, so I tried again, "You know, wanted dead or alive posters." I realized the extent of my joke's flop when with a confused look on his face Luke asked, "Who put them there?" At this point I felt really bad so I apologized for my smart aleck joke and explained that it was a "before your time" remark. My daughter said I should have said, "On America's Most Wanted " or "Crime Stoppers".
Then yesterday my husband sent me to the electric company's warehouse to buy electrical wire (or if you are a true Okie, you say "war"). I never know how to play these sort of assignments. Should I act the dumb blond - "My husband sent me for some war. I have it written down somewhere..." or should I act like I know what I am doing - "I need 310 feet of 100 amp wire plus 220 feet of 200 amp wire for our new home"? I chose to do a little of both rattling off what I needed and then checking my notes as if I needed to check with my husband. Then the warehouse worker opened himself up for a smart remark when he looked at me and said, "That's a lot of war. Did you bring a pick-up truck?" My first instinct wanted to reply, "Why no, I brought my Volkswagen, but I will move the groceries over, and I am sure you can fit it in the trunk." Remembering how my other smart aleck joke flopped, I checked myself and answered appropriately. But wouldn't that have been a great smart reply?