The Home Depot Man

I think I give pretty good driving instructions. Why? Because I think like a woman. Maybe that was my mistake, since I was giving instructions to a man. I don't think men really listen (especially to a woman), because in their mind, they already know everything.

We called Home Depot to get an estimate on carpet. They said they would send someone out on Monday. Afternoon would be better for me - yep, they could do that. I should have realized there would be problems when a man called at 9 AM to say he would be at my house around 10 or 10:30. He had two other houses in Lawton to do that afternoon. Yeah, well, I tutor in the mornings. I could rearrange my schedule, but it would be inconvenient. You realize that I live outside of Duncan? Nope, he did not know that. Well, could you do the houses in Lawton first and come here last? Yep, but that would put him here at noon or after. Perfect! I gave the man very simple instructions on how to get to my house from Lawton. After I finished, he said he would probably call again when he finished the other houses. Another clue that he wasn't really listening to me.

Sure 'nuff, he called around noon. I'm almost to Velma, and I have not seen the truck-stop you mentioned.
Really?! It's on the north side of the road - big white building with a red roof. Turn north when you get to it.
Well, there is a volunteer fire department.
Really? Where (the heck) are you?
I'm on the highway that you told me.
It's a four-lane that narrows down to a two- lane. You need to come about 5 or 6 more miles after it turns to a two-lane.
It did that.
Good. Keep coming east until you get to the truck-stop.
I haven't seen a truck-stop.
Are you going east?
Hell, I don't know. It seems south to me.
Really?!
Oh, there is a big intersection marked Plato Rd.
Really?! Cause the highway I told you does not cross Plato Rd.
Now there is an intersection called Elk.
Aha! you are on the By-Pass.

What part of "turn right at the barking dog" did he not understand? I gave more simple instructions - pretty much the same as I had given before, but now maybe he was listening closer. He called again - I see the truck-stop. I turn right?
No, turn left; that is north.
You live in the log house with the red roof?
No, I live in the next house.

He did make it here. He did measure my rooms. He did tell me how I should have laid the Mexican tile and that tile with puppy prints is more expensive...yada, yada. Like I'm going to listen to a man who doesn't know north from south.

There was a lot more to this story and my conversations and instructions getting the HD man here. I hyperventilated at least twice in between his calls. He made something very simple into something so complicated. But ya know, he was a happy man - didn't really seem to know what an idiot he was or how crazy he had made me.