Thursday, May 23, 2013

Only the Lonely

It is difficult to explain the loneliness that I feel when Jesse leaves the house. There is a part of me that loves the alone time, but there is another part of me that is, well, lonely.  There is a bit of worry as she travels. There is a bit of envy that she is going and I am not.  

It is not as though she lives here all the time - she is rarely home - coming and going at will. It is still an odd feeling - a mixture of glad, sad, and fretful. The fretful part is not worrying that she will do anything stupid. No, she is a smart girl and can handle herself fine. But there is that part that knows the dangers that lurk out there. So when I went through my list of "be carefuls" she rolled her eyes at me and said, "You don't have to do this."  Oh yeah, I do - for me.

Never think that I do not want her to go and to have a good time and have great adventures and live life to the fullest. I want all those things for her. Still, I will worry. I will be lonely and will probably always feel this way no matter what her age and ability. I felt the same way about Bo every time he got in his car to go, but I don't really worry much about Bo now that he is married. Is that the solution? Do I give over the worry once they have a mate - someone else to watch over them, love them, and share in the fun?  Please God, You know my heart and my desires - they are not selfish. 
She finished this painting of Horseshoe Lake yesterday. Here are some silly pictures of her that she posted on FB:
as Jalapeno Pete in the 4th of July parade in RR for Mother's Day. Bo is pretty cute here, too.
And here is a recent picture of her and her nephew.  Now I am going to get busy doing some house stuff with my Pandora playing and socks hanging from my ears.


Buck said...

I still worry about my boys so I don't think acquiring a mate is the answer. It's just a parent thing. That said, I also think Moms worry more.

Great pics, yet again!

Jo Castillo said...

Yeah, I guess it is more a mom's thing. Seems Gene worries more about the girls and me about the boys. Strange. Joanna is on the road up toward DFW today and that still gets to me. Hmmm. Enjoy the free time. Smile.

Bag Blog said...

I'm much better today, but will certainly rest easier when she gets home.