Painting of the Week

Another Donkey Mask

Another year, another Art Guild Christmas party - why do I do this to myself? In the past I have ranted on how irritated I get with the people at the Art Guild, but I keep thinking they will get better. This year, it looked like the AG might die a peaceful death when no one wanted to run for office (I‘m not the only one who hates working with those people). At the last minute some sucker volunteered, and no it was not me. - so the AG will continue on. Usually, the Christmas parties are not so bad, but don’t ask Toby because he refuses to go after one AG party about five years ago. I have my hand-full of friends that make things fun, but this Christmas, they did not show at all. Jesse did attend and livened things up some what. The two of us set in the back and giggled at our own jokes, which were very funny.

The AG plays a dirty Santa game every year at the Christmas party. This year we were told to bring a gift worth no more than $20.00 (usually art supplies) or a small painting. Now that sounded good. In past years small paintings were very popular and the supplies were useful. Although, I have never gotten anything great, Jesse has. So, I wrapped up a small painting and a gesso board as my gift. There were about 20 people participating in the dirty Santa game. I drew number 19. Being one of the last people, I thought that I should be able to get a good gift because I could see what everyone else got first and steal. You’d think!

Have you ever been around someone who acts like a kindergarten teacher - you know, one of those ladies who talks to everyone as if she is talking to a five year old. They bother the heck out of me. The AG has one of those ladies. Not only does she talk animated as if reading from a first grade reader, she is a stickler for the rules - or making up rules that are stupid. Then she is the one who squeals if someone does not go exactly by those said rules. She also does not laugh at any jokes, yet she always seems happy - probably because she has the mentality of a five year old and just does not get any sarcastic, witty conversation. In fact, most of the members of the AG are the most anal retentive, self absorbed, dull witted people I have ever met, and that is why I dislike the AG so much. Now you are probably thinking, “Get off the fence, Bag Blog, and tell us how you really feel.”

Anyway, this anal kindergarten teacher decides that a gift can only be stolen three times; then it is dead (can’t be stolen). This is a great rule (unless you drew number 19 and are planning on stealing the best gift). So the first gift gets picked, then it got stolen twice. Then the anal kindergarten teacher jumps up and squeals, “That gift is dead!” Well, now technically, it was only stolen twice; the first guy picked it - he did not steal it. I wanted to argue with her, but what would be the point. It would be like picking on a kid. Jesse stole a great painting, but it was stolen from her. I wanted to steal it back for her, but according to the AKT, that was a no-no. In the end, there was nothing worth stealing, so I took my chances and picked an unopened gift. Would you believe it was a cheap paint by numbers set - something you could pick up at Wal-Mart for under two bucks? I’d say that was a lot less than $20.00. I thought, “Darn, another donkey mask.” Jesse kept me from kicking it across the room by remarking on how great it was - truly unique. She made me laugh, and act like a lady. Thanks Jes, saved your ol’ Mom again.

The really ironic thing was that the anal kindergarten teacher was number 20, and she got a sorry gift too - serves her right. Later as we were leaving , Marty Childers, who is the most renown artist in our guild, had me walk him to his car where he gave me one of his paintings. He is a sweetheart for taking pity on me. Now the painting is hanging on Jesse’s bedroom wall.