Compelled or Stubborn

With my blogoversary coming up in about a week, I went back and did some looking at my first year of posts. I did some of my best writing that first year. Maybe I just had lots in me to come out. Maybe it was a more interesting time in my life. For pretty much the first year I had three people who made occasional comments, and they were all relatives. Actually all three tried their own blog, but did not stick with it on a regular basis. I didn’t get a regular follower until Buck showed up in January of 2006 – almost one year of blogging without comments. Buck was probably the best thang that happened to my blog. He taught me lots of technical stuff as well as teaching me good blogger etiquette. Thanks for staying with me, Buck.

Through the years, I’ve made some good blog buddies. Some are still with it, and some are not. Sometimes I think about stopping my blog when I get few comments, but why should that really matter. Someone once told me that a real artist is one who does their art no matter what – like they are compelled to draw or paint or whatever. Maybe writing is the same way. Sometimes I just need to put thought to writing – I’m not sure why.

At first those who read my blog, told me they loved it. Well, they loved it until I said something controversial or made them feel uneasy or poked fun at them, etc. I remember the first time I caught heck for something I wrote on my blog. It made me want to quit the blog business. But then I had that "who the heck are you to tell me what I can and can’t say" thought. Usually I check my motives – the purpose in doing the writing. I check my story – was I truthful. I check my words/writing. I have found that many times people read into my words what they want to hear/read – maybe they need to check their own motives. Anyway, I have deleted a few posts over the years when someone felt hurt over a story or just did not want their story told. Most of the time I stick with what I wrote – this is my blog, my thoughts, my view of life, and my journal.

I still get that awed feeling when someone says that they read my blog. I think, "Really! Whatever for?" But I do appreciate my readers – thank you for staying with me. Sometimes I am amazed at who does not read my blog (family and special friends), but that is okay too. Maybe I’m just not exciting enough for them. Sometimes I wish no one read my blog (except for Buck) so that I could say what I really, really feel. Sometimes I wish I had several different blogs so that I could be a different person in each blog.

It has been six years of blogging and maybe my stories are not so great anymore, but I still feel compelled to write, or maybe I'm just stubborn. So there it is.